WHO AM I?
Who am I? Where do we come from? What‘s the meaning of life? Where do we travel to? What is it that leads to a happy life?
Answers to the question of happiness I have heard many on the rather labyrinthine paths trough my life. Quite a few sounded promising and liberating.
In the romantic waking-up of adolescence and the last years of school it were the intoxicantly exhilarating experiences of the new music of the 60ies, the parties and the first infatuations.
Then, in 1969, came politics, the great change, the demonstrations, nights spent with discussions, followed by partisan commitments in the 70s, and the realisation: traditionally organised politcs leads to egomanic self-deceit ... liberty, love, freedom from fear, justice was not to be found there nor was politics a means to reach these goals.
After law school and state traineeship came the great adventure of traveling around the world from 1980 to 1982: a broadening of perspective, a new way of feeling and living, the first experiments to search inside rather than outside. Encounters with Buddhismus und Asian culture, independent living in Australia and New Zealand and the insight: people all over are wonderful, our home planet is wonderful.
Following this first grand journey came attempts to live other lifestyles, off the land, an acre in Ireland and such, with the first wife, but then there were, always irresistable, the calls of Asia.
In 1985 began the writing and translation work, and on the side, as during the late study years and between the travels, taxi driving with its peculiar fascination of the night shifts.
In 1987 a first transformation: spiritual trip to Sri Lanka, India, Bangladesh, Nepal, intensive meditation retreats, ashrams, Himalayan trekking, monsoon floods, illness - no enlightment :-).
Coming back to Munich, eager to master new frontiers, in 1988 the start of a new company. 1991, marrying again, into the vast Persian familiy, a son born in Australia, commuting between Europe and Downunder.
And, happiness, the search for the Truth, the grand questions of humanity? While working, building, educating, in the chores of daily life, they remained silent, questioning companions.
In 1994 the start of a publishing company, with the first book being a bestseller, but also serious illness of my wife. After that, more bestsellers - under the shadow of the sickness which seems to have been overcome. The peak of success in publishing came in 2000, and it is still resonating ten years later in the books of Steve Biddulph.
In 2003 times of trial began when the illness came back, and the publishing business went bankrupt; and the fight against cancer was ultimately lost late in 2006. ”We are being bathed and washed with the waters of deluge ...“
So, was that it? Has the pursuit of happiness come to an end?
Today, at the beginning crucial decade for the future of humanity, I know that the question was put wrongly. Now, I know that life is not primarily about feeling good, success, wealth, about wellness and enjoyment (well, yes, also ;-)), but about growing, changing, evolving, experiencing, knowing ... about love and wisdom.
No thrill of the senses can ever equal the experience, the grace, the knowing, that from the burning fires we may be released, always more healed, and always more new to ourselves.
I‘ve given up searching, I enjoy.
